I learned so much from Donald Trump’s address to a joint session of Congress.
Speaking in the chamber where members were under siege 50 months ago, the president told us that he wishes the best for the people of Greenland but added not at all ominously that their territory is going to become a U.S. possession “one way or another.”
I learned that “Wokeness is trouble, wokeness is bad, it’s gone. It’s gone. And we feel so much better for it, don’t we?” (“Good,” said my colleague Nate Weisberg, “maybe can we stop talking about it.”)
I learned America is back.
I learned that Elon Musk, who “didn’t need this” thankless assignment of making millions of civil servants play “Simon Says” by writing up what they did last week before they’re fired. I learned what a great job Musk is doing with his Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, exposing how taxpayers are being ripped off. The president said that “under the Trump administration, all of these scams…have been found out and exposed and swiftly terminated by a group of very intelligent, mostly young people headed up by Elon, and we appreciate it. We found hundreds of billions of dollars of fraud.”
I learned Oprah-style that a child with brain cancer is getting a Secret Service badge. I didn’t learn, but I must assume that Trump would never use a child’s cancer as an applause line, and that he must be strengthening the National Institutes of Health and protecting Medicaid, which covers half of all children.
I learned that the president who is suing CBS News for how it edited a segment about Kamala Harris, “brought back free speech in America.”
I learned that Larry Ellison and Tim Cook are making big investments. (I looked up that the former heads Oracle and the latter Apple.) I learned that the Taiwanese are going to build a new chip plant here, and Softbank and Ellison are going to make this investment, “which they wouldn’t have done if Kamala had won.” I learned that the CHIPS Act, which all Democratic Senators and 17 Republicans voted for, “is a horrible, horrible thing. We give hundreds of billions of dollars and it doesn’t mean a thing…You should get rid of the CHIP Act and whatever’s left over, Mr. Speaker, you should use it to reduce debt. Or any other reason you want to.”
I learned that Joe Biden was “the worst president in American history.” I learned that Trump ended Biden’s “insane electric vehicle mandate” and “saved our auto workers and companies from economic destruction.” I learned things are different under Trump: “We are going to have growth in the auto industry like nobody has ever seen. Plants are opening up all over the place. Deals are being made—never seen.”
I learned that tariffs is a “beautiful word” which must be why the president mentioned them eight times. I learned that “our new trade policy will also be great for the American farmer — I love the farmer — who will now be selling into our home market, the U.S.A., because nobody is going to be able to compete with you. The tariffs will go on [every] agricultural product coming into America and our farmers starting on April 2, may be a little bit of an adjustment period.”
I learned that it’s very effective when Democrats silently wave signs like they’re at an auction, or yell and are ejected from the House chamber, or stay seated when said young cancer patient or recently released American from a Russian prison is being cheered. I think it was very persuasive when Representative Melanie Stansbury, a Democrat, held up a handwritten sign “This is not normal” as Trump entered the chamber. It was delightful when Representative Lance Gooden took it from the New Mexico Democrat. These are very effective strategies.
I learned that President Trump must have been mistaken when he said at his convention speech last summer about the assassination attempt on his life that “I will tell you exactly what happened, and you’ll never hear it from me a second time, because it’s actually too painful to tell.” I know he was mistaken because he told it again last night.
I learned that the president affectionately calls the senior U.S. Senator from Massachusetts “Pocahontas.”
I learned that the president has no mixed feelings about his one-time presidential rival, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, none at all, who he put in charge of securing the Panama Canal. Just listen to how effusive he is:
We didn’t give it to China; we gave it to Panama, and we’re taking it back.
And we have Marco Rubio in charge. Good luck, Marco. Now we know who to blame if anything goes wrong. No, Marco has been amazing and he’s going to do a great job. Think of it. He got 100 votes. You know, he was approved with actually 99 but the 100th was this gentleman, and I feel very certain, so let’s assume he got 100 votes. And I’m either very, very happy about that or I’m very concerned about it. But he’s already proven — I mean he’s a great gentleman, he’s respected by everybody and we appreciate you voting for Marco. He’s going to do a fantastic job. Thank you. Thank you. He’s doing a great job. Great job.
The president graciously thanked President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine for a just-received letter saying he’s ready for peace after he said Ukraine’s acceptance of military assistance was like “taking candy from a baby.” Trump also noted that “simultaneously we’ve had serious discussions with Russia. Then I’ve received strong signals that they are ready for peace. Wouldn’t that be beautiful? Wouldn’t that be beautiful?”
It would be, Mr. President.
